I'm not an especially disciplined person. I like the results that discipline produces, but I don't like the routine that discipline requires. Mostly I'd rather just wait and see how I feel.
But here's the thing: I don't ever feel like eating a carrot. Never. Not ever. I never feel like doing a push up. I have never once thought, "I'd just really like to do a push up or 20 right now." I never really feel like working hard, or cleaning my house, or washing my face. I don't ever feel like doing laundry.
I feel like eating cheetos. And Chick-fil-A.
But, it turns out, when I don't do any of those things, I don't actually feel good. I feel lazy. And stressed. And unproductive and fat. Yes, I said it. I feel fat.
I've learned a few things about myself in the past year. And top of that list is how much I need routine. Structure. DIscipline. I hate the idea of that because I like being spontaneous and whimsical and wild and free and fun! But as much as I resist routine, I actually thrive in the environment it creates. And that allows me to be more free.
So. I started small. I decided to wash my face every night.
I know. Most girls started doing this around the time they got their drivers license. But I was hit or miss. Mostly miss. Until about three months ago. And three months ago I decided I didn't want to wake up behind. I didn't want to wake up wearing the remnants of the day before. Not physically, spiritually, or emotionally. So, I washed my face one night. And I did it again the next night and the night after that. And now I'm terrified to stop because I'm afraid I might break my streak! It's a small act of discipline. No matter what time it is. No matter what city I'm in. No matter how tired I feel. I wash my face.
Last night I was already in bed when I realized I'd forgotten. So I got up, walked into the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and washed away the dirt, makeup, sweat, and stains. Because I didn't want to wake up having to make up for what I left on last night. I didn't feel like doing it. But I sure felt better after I did it.
Here's what I know:
I'm not going to accidentally wash my face.
I'm not going to accidentally wash my face or get good abs or have a clean house or pay my bills or get that job or do my homework or join a church or make more friends or write a book or drink more water or actually accomplish my goals. I'm not going to accidentally get the things I want most in life.
But I might accidentally watch 12 hours straight of Friends. I might accidentally spend three hours scrolling through Instagram. I might accidentally eat the entire bag of cheetos and lick the dust off my fingers. And I might accidentally wake up one day and realize I missed my chance.
So, I'm practicing discipline. Peter and I had a "family meeting" last week where we laid out our priorities in this season. We identified what they are and ranked them in order of importance and created action steps to honor each of them. We're choosing discipline because we're not going to accidentally become the people we want to be.
I don't feel like washing my face. But I sure feel better once I do.