There’s no “good” way to experience the holidays when you’re grieving someone you love. Yes, there will be moments of joy and celebration, but there’s an ache and a hole that no amount of merry can heal.
The first Christmas after Imogen died, we were all walking on eggshells trying to figure out what felt “less bad” and how we could celebrate moving forward. I’m so thankful that my family was so thoughtful and considerate! From hanging a stocking in her honor to giving us an engraved box full of letters and cards addressed to her, they included her and made room for our pain.
The truth is, many of us want to love and support those we know who are grieving! It can be difficult to know what to say or give or do, so I put together this “Holiday Gift Guide: For the Grieving” to help you find an intentional gift.
If you love someone who is hurting, your thoughtfulness will not go unnoticed. Check out the guide below for our suggestions curated and endorsed by myself and others who have experienced loss.
If you’re the one carrying hurt this holiday season, this is an easy way to help others love you well. Share this guide as a general starting point or highlight the ideas that would mean the most to you before you send it along.
And if you want something that’s not on this list? Consider this your permission slip to share your needs with the people you love. They want to support you this season. Help them know how.
House of Hope print: After Imogen died, I wanted to infuse our home with reminders of the hope that we had. Sometimes these were expressions of things I believed wholeheartedly, and other times they were faith-filled declarations of things I didn’t feel at the time. This print is such a beautiful reminder that there’s hope, even here.
Suncatcher: This suncatcher prism literally catches the light and casts it around your room. When everything feels dark...when you're desperate for hope...when you need a physical reminder of God's promises, hang these in your window and let the light in.
Rest: A Journal for Lament: I love this thoughtfully designed grief journal from Kristin Vanderlip that combines the therapeutic benefits of writing with the sacred, spiritual practice of lament. When life hurts, this journal offers a safe place to release your pain + find rest. What an incredible gift to pass along to a friend who is hurting.
Every Moment Holy; Vol. 2: Death, Grief, and Hope, is a beautiful leather-bound book of liturgies for seasons of dying and grieving. These are ways of reminding us that our lives are shot through with sacred purpose and eternal hopes even when, especially when, suffering and pain threaten to overwhelm us.
“Give” earrings: These beautiful earrings were created to remember miscarriage and stillbirth. The top of the earring represents a mama's arms, giving her baby to open arms on the other side, leaving a hole that can never be filled. This Etsy shop has many other beautiful pieces of jewelry to honor various types of grief.
Candles Aglow print: This beautiful artwork from Lindsay Letters is a wonderful way to remember those that have gone to heaven before us. We pull this out during the holiday season to have an everlasting reminder that Imogen’s light still shines bright. (See also Remembrance Candle.)
Vintage Rug: These vintage, handmade rugs bring a physical representation of hope into our homes. They are hand-knotted, woven by women much like you and me, who pour their hopes and dreams, celebrations and despair into the colors and patterns they weave. They remind us that, no matter how bad things seem, this is not the end of the story.
Self-care Gift Card: Whether it’s a pedicure, a massage, or just a wash-and-style at the local salon, you have no idea how much a little self-care is appreciated.
Engraved Bracelet: Since Imogen died, I always wear a piece of jewelry with her name, initials, or birthdate close to my heart. I love looking down and reading her sweet name, feeling the weight against my skin. You can customize these bracelets with any personal reminder of a loved one lost too soon.
Floral Subscription: One of my favorite gifts to give is a monthly flower subscription. You can schedule them to arrive on any significant date each month. A friend sent flowers every month on the 14th for a full year after Imogen died. It gave me something to look forward to on those hard milestone days.
Act of Service: Have her car detailed. Drop off a meal (and don’t forget breakfast.) Give a gift certificate for a cleaning service. Fold her laundry. Prepare all the supplies for a special Christmas activity. Send a gift on her behalf so she doesn’t have to go baby shopping. A physical gift might not be what she needs at all - maybe she needs help keeping up with the day-to-day so she can enjoy the season with her family.
Finally, you know your friends and family better than anyone - use your best judgment as you select a gift for them this holiday season. And, remember, the greatest gift you can give them is the freedom to grieve in whatever way they need. Stock up on the good tissues. Let them cancel last minute. Make space for them to sneak away. Your thoughtfulness will not go unnoticed.